I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We're too hungover to prance.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
