oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
