I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
