I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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