Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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