just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
