If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
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