Where did you get a picture of my penis
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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