Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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