i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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