Kiss
Puke
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
