Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
