I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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