So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
