I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
