I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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