My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
