someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
