There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
