Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
