Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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