there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
