that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
