i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
