I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
PANTIES FOUND
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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