i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
