I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
