I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
