i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
