Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
