I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
