is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
