how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sorry my hands just texted you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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