I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
