After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
