I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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