mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
