I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
