So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
