Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
