My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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