id be glad to
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
