I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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