If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
