he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
