Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
