he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
