Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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