My liver just broke up with me...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am midnight drunk by noon
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
