WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
