I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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