if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
