hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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